New Year. New You. Yeah, right.


It’s the end of the year.
Fuck off 2014. Hello 2015.
So the imminent New Year can be broken down like this: while a lot of us are contemplating the Hogmanay countdown with the hopes of NOT suffering a horrific hangover, some of us also think of January as a good time for a fresh start.
Yup it’s resolution time. That time of year when you should avoid the gym at all costs, as it will be overflowing with well-meaning goal setters. But come February those same poor fuckers who spent half of January squeezing into spandex and living off nothing but universe juice, will already be lounging on the couch, binge watching ‘Netflicks’ inhaling family-sized bags of Dorritos.
So why is it so many of us fail at our resolutions?
The truth is only 8 per cent of people keep their resolutions. Even talking about them is divisive.
But whether you like resolutions or not, the truth is, a little goal setting is healthy. You just have to go about it the right way.
So what is the trick to being successful with your resolutions?

1. Don’t be an overachiever.
So you want to quit smoking, lose 100 lbs, climb Mount Everest and open an orphanage for one-legged sparrows. Admirable goals certainly, but a bit fucking greedy. Apparently the biggest reason people slip up is because they set too many unrealistic goals. So instead confusing your resolution list with your bucket list: keep it simple, stupid. Pick one thing. Then go work on that.

2. If every year your resolution is the same and every year you don’t stick to it, it’s time for a shake up. Pick something else. You’re setting yourself up for failure otherwise. So this year rebel. Pick a new fucking resolution. I dare you.

3.So you want to run a marathon, but you can’t even jog for a fucking bus without getting winded?
Then remember: Rome wasn’t built in a day. Get yourself a plan. Start smaller. But just fucking start.

4. Ever watched a baby learn to walk?
What happens? They fall on their arse a lot, right?
Then what happens? They get right back up, giggle and then try again.
That’s you. A fat fucking toddler, in a diaper trying to conquer your resolution. If at first you don’t succeed, giggle and then try again.

5. Why do you want to achieve your goal?
What will it mean to your life? Think of that. Write it down. Then go do it.

Finally just remember that you don’t need a January, or a Monday morning to start afresh. Every day is a blank page to begin again.
Happy New Year Fuckers…May 2015 be all that you hoped it would be.

2 thoughts on “New Year. New You. Yeah, right.

  1. alan

    Just came across your blog by typing in
    “why is there so much fucking clutter in the world !”

    The way you talk is very refreshing.

    Today I’ve been continuing the tidy out of the storage areas of my high street shop which is closing after forty six years trading .Although it’s been a pretty shit time recently (thanks to the fucking internet/Amazon and all these other fuckers that say ” you need to get online , that’s the way forward and keep your business going ” . Fuck off ! What happened to just trying to give good service, decent quality products at a reasonable price that lets you pay your bills, staff and leaves you a wage to live on)

    I digress !

    Selling off the stock we have and knowing there wasn’t any more on the way felt good. I think for the first time in years I might actually have the time to go through my stuffed filing cabinet and happily start binning shit that I don’t need whilst sorting out paperwork for the accountants to do my annual accounts (another fucking £1600 bill from them to look forward to !)

    Due to my business going down the fucking pan we’re also going to have to downsize. But again in some ways that won’t be a bad thing. A loft full of mostly shite ( I prefer shite to shit, I think it carries more authority and it doesn’t offer you the correct spelling on spell check!)

    Last comment for tonight (23:42 in the west of Scotland)

    Re your dad’s letter writing. It reminded me of the time my dad and I used to exchange diary style dictaphone tapes more -or-less weekly when my parents retired to Portugal and I continued to run the business. They were funny and my dad was a bit of a character and prone to shaggy dog stories but always quite entertaining.

    I’m 54 and he died at 56 and it makes me think a lot more these days. Having said that he packed a hell of a lot into his 56 years (mostly drink and fags hence why he’s no longer with us). But i’ve some fucking brilliant memories of him and it’s fair to say some really fucking shite ones!

    Anyway, signing off for now. I’m a bit knackered and all this fucking typing is not helping !

    • Hi Alan, thanks for taking the time to write to me and sharing so many stories about your life. Sounds like you are on the cusp of a new chapter in your life and that is very fucking cool indeed. Good luck to you. Please make sure you stop by again and let me know how you get on. The fact that you took the time to write really made my day. Happy New Year!

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