Madonna performs stand-up like a virgin: it’s short and shit, as it should be.


So trending on the Internet right now:
Just what colour is that ffing dress? Nope.
An oily arse with a side of champagne? Nah.
Madonna performing stand-up and doing a mediocre job…boom!
There’s your punchline.
In case you’ve been asleep at your lap-top, the material girl is getting a lot of press for popping her stand-up cherry on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.
When I say press, I mean that comics all over the globe are getting their mic cords in a bunch over the audacity of Madonna even attempting to make jokes. If you missed the show here it is:

Since I too dabble in the world of cracking wise, I thought I’d add my two cents to the debate:

Contrary to popular belief, Madonna did not make a mockery of stand-up with her mediocre set.
Nor do I think Madonna performing stand-up is a demonstration of how shit stand-up is, or that it’s not taken seriously. Quite the opposite.
By utterly bombing, Madonna proved that the commonly held misconception “Cor, stand-up is easy, I could do that” is a fucking myth.
Good stand-up comics are hard to come by. Just like anyone who excels in their field, they make it look easy.

Here’s the thing: just like any other art-form, stand-up comedy is a craft. It’s a symbiotic relationship between kick arse writing and the ability to deliver those words in a funny way. In a relatable way. In a way that makes the audience not only feel part of the joke but in on the joke. Good stand-up inspires people to laugh, take life less seriously and feel good about themselves.
Before Madge got in front of the mic, she sat with Jimmy and explained her desire to have a go at comedy because she “dreams of simplicity”.
First mistake right there. Good comedy is anything but simple. Good comedy is layered, complex and hits you by surprise.

Instead of giving Madonna a hard-time for her comedy routine, here’s my feedback. I feel qualified to offer this, since not only do I get behind the mic, I also teach others the art of funny. So here goes:
First of all, a wise stand-up once told me, it takes 100 stand-up performances to know if you’re any good. So, Madonna: one down, 99 to go.

Secondly, who the fuck wrote your set, Darling?
Considering you were on the Fallon show and you’re undoubtedly well-connected, you could have got way better jokes written.
I gotta say, your set was pretty hack. Back to the drawing board on that one.
And next time, set your mic up properly and wear less figety clothes.

But it’s amazing what we, as people, decide to get all shitty about, isn’t it?
What I find hilarious, is that while everyone is in a huff about Madonna doing stand-up, no one is calling her out on her other shit-show this week: forcible snogging Drake during a Coachella performance. If you didn’t get a whiff of that incident here it is:

What the fuck was all that about? I gotta say that incenses me more.
Cos’ let’s get real: if a 56 year old male crooner planted an uninvited smacker on some unsuspecting 28 year-old female, shit would hit the fan. No matter how you dress it up, it’s not a classy move.

But here at Yifof, we don’t want to totally trample over the material girl. After all the two of us share an affinity for the ‘f’ word:

So Madge, if you ever want another crack at stand-up, come see me. I’ll write you a set that’s actually funny.
Since Madonna’s latest escapades went viral on the Internet, sales of her latest album have rocketed.
As she might say herself, “Guess who’s laughing now, bitch?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s